Everybody Hates Tennessee

You can read each article in our “Hate” series:  Intro (HERE); Kentucky (HERE); LSU (HERE)

The next team in our continuing series is the Tennessee Volunteers.  As many of you outside of Knoxville are very aware, there are more than a few reasons to hate the Volunteers, so we’ll just try and hit the highlights. We will more than likely miss a few, so please, add any that you feel we missed in the comment section below the article.

Volunteers

Really? You let this fruitcake defeat you in 90 minutes?

The Volunteers.  The Mighty Volunteers.  Nothing puts the fear into opponents like the image of someone ladling out soup for the homeless or someone folding clothes at Goodwill.  I’m surprised they don’t turn and run for the hills screaming when they conjure up the image of someone handing out water during a 5K fun run.  And before you get preachy, we do know our history; but naming your team after some guys who marched all the way to Texas to get killed by the Mexican army is still a stupid thing to name your team after.  Does Mexico even have an army anymore?  Not to mention that Santa Anna sounds like a community in South Florida where retirees go to play shuffle board and blow all their money before they die, not a guy who could kill the mighty volunteers from Tennessee in 90 minutes. 90 minutes. . . . seriously?  During any home game, Rocky Top is played more than 90 minutes.  Speaking of which. . . .

Your Fight Song

Worst in the division.  Worst in the conference.   Worst in the country.  No song is hated more in all of college football than Rocky Top.  And what’s worse is that’s it like the entire band is on repeat for the entirety of every single game.  Here is the official list of reasons to play Rocky Top:

  • First down
  • Touchdown
  • PAT
  • Beginning of the 1st, 2nd , 3rd or 4th quarter
  • End of the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th quarter
  • You are offered moonshine
  • Fumble recovery
  • Interception
  • Cheerleader correctly spelling Tennessee and/or Volunteer
  • Sack
  • Tackle for loss
  • Defensive stop on 3rd or 4th down
  • Finding a dollar in your pocket that you didn’t know was there
  • Incomplete pass from opposition
  • Run of 7 yards or less from opposition
  • Kick or punt return of more than 4 yards
  • Someone near you tells you how Peyton would do it
  • You have an instrument in your hand

Brothers

Hard

Not one but two sets of annoying brothers!!  First came Casey Clausen (The Iceman) followed by his brother Rick, who was one of the worst SEC quarterbacks we have ever watched.  And Casey was one of the most illogically arrogant players that we have ever watched.  And don’t think we don’t count Jimmy in there.  But as if the Clausen brothers weren’t enough, we had to endure the Colquitt brothers for what seemed like an entire decade. . .and not only were the brothers punters but so were their dad and uncle.  Seriously, what family aspires to be awesome punters?

The Worst Shade of Orange on Earth

I really would have liked to have been in the boardroom when the higher ups at Tennessee were deciding on what colors they would choose to represent the university, I imagine it would have sounded something like this:

Higher Up #1: “We obviously have to have white but what other color could we use?”

Higher Up #2:  “What about a majestic orange?”

Higher up #3:  “Not just any orange, an orange that looks like what a five year old puked up after drinking a gallon of orange soda!!”

Other 2 Higher Ups:  “GENIUS!”

Neyland Stadium

So, I’m sure that Neyland Stadium is awesome to go to for a game but what’s up with Tennessee constantly having to try and compete with all the other big stadiums in the country.  Along with expansions to keep up with other growing stadiums, when Alabama expanded their stadium to the point that it seated more than Neyland, they started counting standing room in their official count so that they would be able to say they had were still bigger than Alabama.  Sounds to us like someone’s a little light in the shorts.

Peyton Manning

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

He’s the best quarterback to have ever lived!  And he does hilarious commercials!  Did you see the Sprint one!?  He had on a fake mustache!!

Again, this is just chipping at the surface of why everyone hates Tennessee. . . . . please, add more in the comment section.  We don’t want to have missed any.

-Jeff and Sadler

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7 responses to “Everybody Hates Tennessee

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  3. The official reason Tennessee chose orange…They could wear it while picking up trash on Fridays, going to the ball games on Saturdays, and go hunting on Sundays.

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