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Everybody Hates Arkansas

“This is going to be our year.”

How many times have you heard those words come out of the mouth of an Arkansas fan?  Granted, the Hogs field a fairly competitive team annually.  They limp into a bowl game just about every season, being mainstays in the Cotton, Liberty, and Independence Bowls.  But let’s look at some of the facts Woopig fans.  You’ve had a winning record in SEC play only three times this century, and seven of the last 20 seasons.  You’ve made it to Atlanta to represent the West in the SEC Championship game a whopping three times, being completely ran off the field in two of those three appearances, and losing by 10 in the other.  That’s including 2002 when Alabama would’ve gone to Atlanta had they not been banned from post-season play.  Lastly, what about the Hogs’ wonderful bowl record of 12-23-3?  That pretty much speaks for itself.

Do you know this man?

There are some things that a sane human being just would not do—wearing a “hog hat” is one of them.  Seriously, this thing has to be the most ridiculous piece of fan attire to ever be created.  Sure, they’re fine to make in children’s sizes for the kids to wear, but the problem is the only people I’ve seen wearing these things are grown men.  Please stop making these things…please.

Arkansas plays two or three of their “home” games every season at War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock.  Now, I’ve never heard of a reason that the Hogs play games in Little Rock, but I’ve managed to come up with a couple of theories on my own.  One, the University is so ashamed of the hell hole that is Fayetteville that they don’t want to disgrace the fans any more than they have to.  Two, Little Rock is literally the only city in Arkansas.  The rest of the state consists of nothing.  It might as well not even be a state—just break it up and give each of the surrounding states a fourth of it.  Lastly, the main reason they play games at War Memorial is because when you type in “Fayetteville, AR” on your GPS system, all it does is laugh and ask you why in the living hell you would want to go there.

If you’ve never talked to an Arkansas fan before, I suggest you give yourself the opportunity to do so at least once in your lifetime.  More often than not, you’ll come away with the perception that they could very well be the most delusional fan base in the history of the world.  Your team will be belittled and picked apart, position by position, and you will be told why a player at that position for Arkansas is better than the player on your team, even if your player is a Preseason All-American and the player from Arkansas has never played a down at the college level.  Also, Arkansas’s coach, no matter who it is at the time, is better than your coach.  After years of being “the best big game coach in the SEC”, Houston Nutt was fired for–you guessed it–not winning enough “big games”.  Now Bobby Petrino is the savior in Fayetteville.  I’ll spare you my opinion on the fact that this man up and left the Atlanta Falcons with three games remaining in their season.  Albeit, Arky’s record has improved since Petrino arrived, but with Ryan Mallett now gone, how good will the Hogs really be?

I could go on for days listing some of the most ridiculous comments regarding Arkansas’s football team that you will ever hear.  The saddest part about it is that Arkansas fans actually think fans of other schools are delusional.  Here is my request to the “Hog Nation”:

Arkansas fans—please wake up.  Snap out of it.  You’re living in a dream world.  Let us know when you win something that actually makes you relevant.

-Chris

This article is part of the “Everybody Hates” Series. Check out the other parts here:
Vanderbilt
Ole Miss
Tennessee
LSU
Kentucky